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TRAINING EXERCISES TO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE END OF THE WORLD

from DARK SIDE OF THE BRAIN by Brain Vacation

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Go to the nearest airport and watch airplanes take off and land. Then find some pigeons and feed them.

Listen to Bad Religion’s Suffer (1988), No Control (1989), and Against the Grain (1990) in succession while sitting in a parked car in a garage.

Throw a brick.

On a clear night, drive for an hour in whichever direction takes you farthest from civilization. Look up at the sky and try your hardest to believe in God.

Turn the heat up in your house as high as it will go and sleep under as many blankets as you can find for three hours in the middle of the day. When you emerge, drink a bunch of warm beer.

Start a fake band.

Try to train a dog to tell the difference between humans and robots.

Read The Last Question by Isaac Asimov.

Order 2 medium thin crust pepperoni pizzas from Domino’s for dinner. Eat one and a half of them and go to sleep. Spend the entire following day in bed with the shades drawn.

Join Twitter.

Feel guilty next time a bug hits your windshield.

Go to Disneyland for free on your birthday.

Take a walk around your neighborhood and pick up
someone else’s dog’s shit.

Completely fill a computer’s hard-drive.

Go to a restaurant with a self-serve drink fountain and ask for a cup for water. Fill it with lemonade.

Build a monument to something that only you consider
important.

Think about your death and what you expect to happen when it comes. Then smoke a cigarette and bury an old pair of shoes in the ground.

Go to K-Mart and buy a Slip-N-Slide. Get a few friends to come over, set it up in your yard, and play Reign In Blood while doing the Slip-N-Slide.

Watch Terminator 2 100 times.

Spend a day pretending that money does not exist.

Wear the same pair of jeans every day for a month.

Try to stay awake by standing up all night and looking out your window. Only give in to slumber if you know with 100% certainty that a liquid metal robot is not going to come and kill you in your sleep.

Go to the beach and throw rocks at the waves until your arm hurts.

Quit your job.

credits

from DARK SIDE OF THE BRAIN, released August 5, 2009
Sampled: Ian Sacco; Some reggae record

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Brain Vacation Chicago, Illinois

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